Whether your spouse has told you that they’re no longer happy or you’re simply suspecting that they may soon call it quits, I’m here to tell you that you can save your marriage alone.
My name is Brad Browning. I’m a relationship coach, marriage expert and author of the best selling Mend The Marriage program.
Over the years I’ve worked with many individuals wanting to save their marriage. One thing I have repeatedly encountered is the common belief that one spouse can’t do it alone. Well, I’m here to tell you that you can save your marriage alone.
In fact, I’ve seen many marriages saved when one of the partners takes action even if the other has refused to keep trying.
Here my four steps to save your marriage alone:
1. Accept the situation. Quit crying and begging.
It’s perfectly normal to have a hard time accepting that your spouse feels the way they do. A common reaction is trying to convince them that things can get better.
However, this is actually the worst thing you can do in your situation.
As tempting as it maybe, crying and begging for your spouse to give your marriage another chance will not change their mind. Reacting to the news angrily also won’t help.
Since your spouse is already past the point of believing that change is possible, your desperation will have no impact on them. Instead, these types of reactions, just generally make you appear weak and out of control.
If you do want to save your marriage, you’re not going to get there through pity, cruel words or dramatic actions.
It’s OK for your spouse to know that you’re upset about the situation but it’s more important for them to know that you have control of your feelings. To save your marriage you need to accept the situation and acknowledge that you played a role in creating your marital problems.
2. Build resilience.
Once you have overcome the initial shock and accepted the situation at hand, then you need to create a plan to save your marriage.
Start by building strategies to take care of yourself and find a way to maintain a positive outlook. If you can do this successfully, then you eliminate one of the things you don’t want to do, which is give your spouse another reason to want to leave you.
Focus on staying positive, maintaining your dignity and taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. Everyone has a different way of doing this but find what works for you and manage your emotions.
If you’re interested in learning more about managing your emotions and developing an action plan to save your marriage, please visit my website and watch the full length video presentation.
3. Commit to change.
You know that popular saying, “Be the change you want to see”? That’s exactly what you need to do to save your marriage alone.
Start by looking closely at your behavior in the relationship. Ask yourself which ways you can change to create positive responses from your spouse and what behavioral habits your spouse reacts negatively to.
Whether you know it or not, you and your spouse communicate in a revolving stimulus and response pattern.
What you do and say is the stimulus.
Your partner’s reaction is the response.
Then you react to their reaction and so on.
The same thing occurs when you partner does or says something.
Over time, the two of you have developed a pattern of habitual actions and reactions. When the stimulus changes, the response will also change. This means that changing your behavior will impact your partner’s reaction and overall will change the entire relationship.
For example, if you have developed the habit of speaking disrespectfully to your spouse, they’ll also have developed a kind of reaction or coping mechanism.
If you stop acting disrespectfully, then your partner won’t need to use that coping mechanism. If this happens enough, a new pattern of behavior is just going to emerge. Assuming the new actions and reactions are positive, the relationship is going to take a turn for the better.
Once you create positive interactions with one another, you can begin on working on resolving your marital issues.
If you have any questions about behavioral patterns or would like to just share your experience, please feel free to post in the comment section below.
4. Dedicate yourself to working on your marriage.
You and your partner are the only two people in the world who really know what goes on in your relationship.
You know what the biggest problems are for you personally and you most likely know what changes need to be made to save your marriage. Determine where your biggest issues lie so that you can dedicate yourself to resolving these matters.
Remember that initially, you’ll be doing all the work.
I know it may not seem fair but you’re the only one who believes in your marriage and wants to save it. It may not be easy. Sometimes your progress may slip along the way but if you dedicate yourself to the task, you’ll eventually start to have small successes and it will get easier.
Best of all, once you make some changes, your spouse will begin to engage and become more willing to assist with reviving your marriage. Then you can work on it together from that point onwards.
You that your partner’s unwillingness to participate in saving your marriage is actually not a handicap.
In fact, working alone to save your marriage can actually be more immediate and more effective than working together. Since you’re the one calling the shots and making the changes, you won’t be wasting time trying to get your spouse to cooperate. For now, just hang in there and don’t give up.
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