The incredibly simple, easy way to getting things done.
Recently, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD.
I’ve felt like something was wrong forever that I could never really describe.
You see, I’m ashamed to admit that even though I have a degree in psychology, I never even considered this might be a problem.
Even though I have struggled with getting things done, paying attention, procrastination, getting distracted and staying on task… forever.
Then a man who I was head over heels in love with, brought it up.
I disagreed with him.
Then I researched (gulp).
Then I got help.
As a result, so many parts of my life have started to make sense.
I could go on for days about what this has done to my relationships, my business, my life.
But the point here is not ADHD or to complain.
In fact, thank you to the people in our lives who hold up a mirror to show us the hidden places we’re too distracted or hurting or distant to see.
The point today is to talk about how to get things done… in spite of.
In spite of self-sabotage and low self worth and the crappy, sordid past.
In spite of road blocks, disappointment and pain.
In spite of the reasons we make up to prove that it cannot work.
I’ve used this method for getting things done:
To meet the great loves of my life, build a business, write books and lose 80 lbs. TWICE (birth-control hormone related weight gain can suck it).
I want to share it with you in the context of how to date.
Dating can be a ton of fun, but it can also become a depressing, soul-destroying grind that can make one doubt the bright future of humanity.
I’ve been hearing that a lot lately from readers, so in the spirit of getting back out there, let’s talk about how to use this process for dating.
Here’s my ultra-simple, 4 step process for getting things done:
1. Decide exactly what you want.
If you kinda-sorta know what you want, you’ll get kinda-sorta results. You might get close, but it won’t be satisfying AND you’ll waste time.
That’s why it’s worth sitting down and deciding what you really, really want (I can’t say that without hearing the Spice Girls.. but I digress).
For attracting a relationship, don’t sabotage yourself by making your list so ridiculous that a mere mortal couldn’t measure up.
To make this easier, I stick with mostly INTERNAL traits.
I like my men to be intelligent, kind, curious, humorous and easygoing.
(Even though it seems obvious, for law of attraction purposes, add in SINGLE. The universe is literal.)
2. Break it down into itty-bitty pieces.
I like to streamline the whole dating process by using the internet.
Here’s why I love internet dating:
All you have to do is put up a good profile and respond enthusiastically to men who appear to meet your basic requirements.
That’s it.
You just put yourself out there, respond to them and cull through your matches as a daily thing with the goal of making yourself available and meeting as many men in person as possible.
In person is where you really find out what they’re all about and as Patty Stanger says, “the penis does the picking.”
It sounds crass, but it’s true. Your goal as the feminine energy is to simply and enthusiastically invite male attention.
If online dating drives you nuts or you have tried it before and failed miserably… then you need to see if you’re making this one HUGE online dating mistake.
3. Create a regular time schedule where you expect to attend to the itty bitty pieces.
Set aside a time every day to respond to and check for messages and 1-2 times a week that you regularly expect to go on dates.
If Sunday afternoon is dating time, you have a chunk of time every Sunday which you keep relatively open for dating.
You can’t have a good relationship if you don’t make time for one. Get in the habit of making that time “dating time” and soon enough you’ll have more than enough attention to fill it.
If you don’t get asked out that week, then use your date time to take yourself on a date.
No matter what, I want you to have FUN during that time.
Fun does not include de-cluttering your closets or deep cleaning your oven. REAL FUN, WOMAN. You are NOT to use date time to do drudgery or play catch up at work.
Make it a goal to build fun into your week, regardless of whether you have a man in mind or not.
4. Give daily attention to your goal AND give yourself positive reinforcement.
My memory is like Swiss cheese. I forget stuff, remember it later, write it down on a piece of paper and then throw that piece of paper away (because who knows what all of these pieces of paper were about)— and repeat.
It’s frustrating to say the least, but that’s where the daily attention component comes in.
Commit to communicating with someone eligible (to the extent that you know that about them) at least once a day.
This includes anything from smiling at someone at the grocery store to forcing yourself to going out on a full-on date—even when you really want to stay home and watch Netflix in your underwear.
That’s it. Just one. Easy, right?
THEN do something reinforcing to show that you completed that itty-bitty piece. I make myself a star chart like I would for a child.
Don’t laugh, I’ve achieved big things while motivated by goofy, shiny foil stars.
I promised you simple.
Now get out there and get things done. Commit to the process of reaching your goals and let the results take care of themselves.
By the way, if you think “Online Dating Doesn’t Work” or that online dating is just for kids in their 20s, you couldn’t be more wrong.
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